Middle Mini (You’re Not Alone in Anxiety)

Ever felt pressure to look “fine” while you’re falling apart inside? Anxiety loves to tell you you’re the only one. You’re not. In today’s mini, I share my journey with anxiety and also some reminders and scriptures that have been helpful to me in the middle of the struggle. Anxiety isn’t your identity. It’s a struggle you face, not a name you wear. I hope this episode reminds you of that! Thanks for watching and letting me be vulnerable today! Be sure to look out for new episodes every Wednesday and leave a comment if this episode resonated with you.

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Transcript

Why I’m Sharing This Now

SPEAKER_00 0:05

Hey friends, welcome back to In the Middle of It. You've got me this week for a solo mini episode. This week, we are gonna be talking about something that I have been in the middle of for a long time. Um, I'm gonna be talking about my journey with anxiety and just how I've overcome it, how I'm still overcoming it, and just things that really have been helpful to me along the way. So, yeah, we're gonna dive in. I feel that for me it's tender to come on here and talk about this today because, you know, the point of this podcast is to talk about things before they're buttoned up, you know, while they're still in the process. And anxiety is something that has been in the process for me and just not buttoned up in my life for a long time. And so, as much as I would love to come on here and be like, these are the five things that I've learned about anxiety and how I overcame it, that's not the case. Um, I still struggle with anxiety more than I wish that I did, but I want to be vulnerable and just tell you guys what I'm learning and how God is teaching me to find him even while struggling with anxiety.

Moving Away And Finding Peace

SPEAKER_00 1:12

So, just to give you a little bit of background on my own story, um, I kind of really started struggling with anxiety in a way that I remember when I moved to Nashville in 2011. So I was 14 years old and I moved away from New York, which was everyone and everything that I ever knew, and moved to Nashville and just really started struggling with anxiety, making friends, going to a new school, starting high school. Um, all of that was really overwhelming and really difficult. So my parents literally forced me to try out for the worship team at church. And that's really how I got started with music was singing at church on the worship team. It was really one of the only places in my life that I didn't feel anxiety. I felt peace on um the platform at church, just leading worship. I loved it. And so that's kind of how I got started in music, but I struggled with anxiety through high school on and off. And

College Pressure And Late Night Spirals

SPEAKER_00 2:09

then really, I would say the worst season that I've ever had with anxiety was in college. I was trying to tour full-time and also go to school full-time. So I was doing way too much. I was really stressed. Um, I started to have health issues. I was having um really severe eczema and stomach issues, and I wasn't sleeping at night, like really bad insomnia. Um, just my anxiety was coming to a place where I really I couldn't ignore it anymore. And it was something that um was affecting my life and my health. And um, anyways, that was a really humbling and vulnerable time in my life. I was also in the busiest season of touring and being up on stage, and sometimes as a Christian artist, I felt pressured to get up on stage and testify about all the things that I had figured out and were, oh, it was hard, but now it's better, and all of that. And I was so actively struggling with anxiety and just feeling so sick, and that was a really hard time because I felt like I was putting on like this fake face outwardly, but inwardly I was struggling so much. I just remember when I was in college being in my dorm and being awake every night, all night, like just 3 a.m. would come around, and I would have this playlist that I had on my Spotify that was like, you know, worship songs, like calming music that I would listen to all night long and just on repeat, like hundreds and hundreds of times listening to those songs. And those songs really did get me through that hard time. Um, it was the first time that I I was impacted by worship music and Christian music in a way that people that came to my table would tell me they were impacted by my music. But then when I went through that season, it was like, oh, now I really understand what people mean when they say, like, this song got me through, you know? So I would listen to that playlist, I would text my dad, who somehow would always be awake when I needed him, and just try not to feel as alone in the anxiety that was keeping me awake every single night.

Marriage And A Calmer View

SPEAKER_00 4:25

So after college, I got married, and once I got married to Jason, I feel like my anxiety kind of, you know, the anxiety that I was battling felt more manageable. Something about Jason is he's so peaceful and he's so not worried. And that's something that I love about him. And I I think that being married to him, that demeanor and that outlook really started to kind of um get onto me too. Like I realized, oh, I have a really busy day tomorrow and I could be up all night anxious about it, but Jason is sleeping soundly next to me, and so maybe I can be sleeping soundly too. Like, I don't know, it just being married to someone who doesn't struggle with anxiety and really isn't worried much um helped me to see a new perspective on the same situations, but from a different point of view. So I feel like the anxiety battle really kind of lessened after I got married.

Loss, Pregnancy, And Postpartum Anxiety

SPEAKER_00 5:22

And then after I had a miscarriage in 2024, I feel like it was kind of the beginning of like a new journey of okay, here we go again. You know, I got pregnant with Owen, like, you know, I forget four months later maybe. And so I was so anxious, like just being pregnant after loss. And is this gonna work out? Are we gonna lose this baby? Like, just so much anxiety being pregnant with Owen, which I was like, anxiety's not good for pregnancy, it's not good for the baby for me to be anxious, and then that would make me more anxious, and just like a never-ending cycle of anxiety, I feel like, um, through my pregnancy and then postpartum to just struggling with anxiety. I think at the time, like freshly postpartum, I thought these thoughts are normal. And then looking back, I'm like, oh, they're not normal. Like, I really was struggling more than I thought that I was. And I feel like we're kind of still, we're still on the trajectory of figuring it out how to mother, how to have a baby, and just give anxiety over to the Lord and to um know how to just have peace, even when it feels hard to come by. So that's kind of my own journey with anxiety. Um, it's not buttoned up, it's not over. We're still, we're still going. And let me tell you too, that I fully believe that God can heal. I fully believe that he has the power to take anxiety and fear completely out of my life. Um, and I pray for that. I really do. And if he does that miracle, I will testify to you guys about what he's done. For now, I'm living in the in-between where I'm still feeling anxious sometimes, still struggling, um, but trusting God even in the midst of that. So there's

Three Reminders That Ground Me

SPEAKER_00 7:05

a couple of things that are just helpful reminders to me as I've struggled with anxiety that I just wanted to pass on to you. This is not like a sermon. It's not like, hey, these are the things that I know already. It's like this is what I tell myself when I really need it. So the first thing is you are not alone in anxiety if you battle with it. One in five adults in the U.S. struggle with anxiety regularly. Like 20% of adults struggle with anxiety. 31% of adults will experience an anxiety disorder in their lifetime. Like, that's not just like, oh, I'm worried about a few things. Like 31% of adults will have an anxiety disorder at some time in their life. Um, and then this is something that's so shocking to me, but 20% of kids ages 12 to 17 have severe anxiety. Um, and that's only growing as time is going on. And then also women are more likely to struggle with anxiety than men, but it's pretty common in both genders. So all that to say, as sad as it is, those statistics, I hope that if you struggle with anxiety, it reminds you that you are not alone in struggling with it. Like so many people that you know and see every day, artists you listen to, and people that you live day-to-day life with also struggle with anxiety. Like you are not the only one. You're not alone in your struggle. And that somehow brings me some comfort, I think, because the enemy he loves to tell me in my own mind, or maybe it's just my own voice, that nobody struggles as much as I do, you know, or I'm the worst of all the people that struggle with anxiety. And that's just not true. Um, we're just not alone in in the middle of that struggle. So also, more importantly than that, is that God promises to never leave us or forsake us when we struggle. Um, and so He is with you. You're not alone in anxiety. Jesus is there, he's with you. Another thing that is really helpful to me is I had a counselor tell me one time that some of the most courageous people um are people who struggle with anxiety. Because having courage is not the absence of being afraid. Having courage is feeling scared and doing the thing, anyways. Like that's courage. And so when someone struggles with anxiety or has an anxiety disorder and they do the things that other people do every day without anxiety, they're actually really courageous for doing that. Um, some people are scared to just go to the grocery store or to drive on the highway or whatever it is. Every time that someone that battles anxiety does that thing, they are being brave. They are being courageous. And so that helps me because when I feel anxious about something, like, oh, how can I possibly play this show or do this thing? It helps me to be like, I can do it scared. And that's actually having courage in spite of anxiety. Um, like it's okay to just do it scared. I don't have to get rid of the fear in order to be able to do this thing that I'm supposed to do. So if you are feeling anxious and you still do the thing, you are courageous. Um, the last reminder for me is anxiety or any mental health struggle that you face is not who you are. It's not your identity. I think in a strange way, sometimes when we struggle with something, it almost becomes like a weird friend. Like, oh, this is who I am. This is a companion. This is something that I can say is true about me. Oh, I'm just an anxious person, or well, I can't do that because of my anxiety. Like these things that we say, whether we mean to or not, it gives ourselves the narrative that that thing is part of who we are. And I have caught myself, I've probably even done it in this episode, I've caught myself so many times being like, oh, my anxiety, like claiming it as mine. And the truth is, is it's not. It's not who I am. It's not the most important thing about me. Um, if you are a believer, then your identity is in Christ, and that is who you are. So I would just say a lesson that I'm learning, and also something to encourage you, is man, you are not your struggle. It doesn't define who you are. And we actually are always working to overcome those parts of our broken humanity to be more like Jesus, and that's our true identity. So you are not the anxiety that you face. And I'm saying that to me as much as I'm saying it to you. Um, don't let it become who you are, don't let it define how you think about yourself. You are not an anxious person. You are a person who struggles with anxiety. Um, that distinction has been really important for me personally, um, and just integral to like my view of who I am. Because I think saying that you are your struggle is so rooted in shame. It's like, man, this is like a badge that I have to wear. It's like a shame, like a shame badge on my chest that I have to wear, and that's just not the truth. Um, if we're in Christ, we are a new creation. And so, anyways, those are some of the things that are helpful to me um in in my struggle with anxiety. Okay,

Scriptures I Cling To

SPEAKER_00 12:40

the last thing that I want to say to you. I have a few verses from scripture that have been encouraging to me personally. Um, I guess I'll read you the references of each one and you can look them up, but I'm just gonna read maybe one or two. Um, okay, one that I love is Philippians 4, 4 through 8. It says, Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again, rejoice. Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your request to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable, if anything is excellent or praiseworthy, think about these things. I love that verse so much. So much goodness in there. Um, I hope it encourages you today. First Peter five, six through seven says, Humble yourselves therefore, under the mighty hand of God, so that at the proper time he will exalt you, casting all of your anxieties on him because he cares for you. And then um this one is long, but I'm just gonna end with Matthew six, twenty-five through thirty-four. It says, Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you will eat and what you will drink, nor about your body, what you'll put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing? Look at the birds of the air, they neither sow nor reap, nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life? And why are you anxious about clothing? Consider the lilies of the field how they grow. They neither toil nor spin, yet I tell you, even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these. But if God so clothes the grass of the field, which today is alive and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith. Therefore, do not be anxious, saying, What shall we eat, or what shall we drink, or what shall we wear? For the Gentiles seek after these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them all, but seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all of these things will be added to you. Therefore, do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble. Those are the actual words of Jesus, um, words that I have clung to much in my life. I tell myself, Man, worrying, anxiety, it adds no time to my life. It just takes away joy, it takes away um trusting God, it takes away so much, but it gains nothing. So that's my encouragement to you today, just to try and place all of your anxieties, your worries on the Lord because He cares for you. Um, two other verses that are encouraging to me. 2 Timothy 1 7, for God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and a sound mind. And Isaiah 41 10, fear not, for I am with you. Be not dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. Thank you guys for listening. Um, I hope that you have an amazing rest of your day. I love you so much. Bye.